911 dispatching – it’s not so serious ALL the time

I hear the funniest things listening to more than 15 law enforcement and fire channels, 20+ hours a day as a breaking news reporter. For the most part, the radios are the antithesis of anything fun and/or funny, as they tend to be one hundred percent serious one hundred percent of the time.

Not to mention some of the calls are downright heartbreaking.

Hearing calls all day and all night with dispatchers and emergency first responders having to deal with everything from fatal shootings, babies in medical distress, people finding their loved ones have passed in the night, family members attacking each other, a family of seven that just lost their home and all of their belongings to a residential fire, yet another robbery or theft or battery…sometimes, the bad calls just never seem to end.

Then there are the very same names of people you hear being arrested for the very same charges, sometimes over and over and even over again. It all can get very repetitive, even monotonous, and often very frustrating hearing the calls these heroes handle on a daily basis.

But then there are times when you suddenly realize they are still human and they have senses of humor. They have real feelings. Sometimes they even cry. I have heard it over the radio. I have heard tears in a dispatchers voice when they find out paramedics were unable to save a victim, despite their best efforts.

I have seen it personally during my time with the sheriff’s department. I have watched grown men, giant hearts behind tiny badges, cry, weep even. Sometimes the job just becomes too much to bear all at once and at that point, the Superhero becomes the person. It is devastating and all you want to do – or hopefully someone can do – is hold them and tell them it is going to be OK. Remind them that not all of the calls are going to end like “that” one.

But then there are those magic moments, those rare times when you hear the equivalent of “Radio Gold.” It is in those moments when you suddenly remember that dispatchers, law enforcement officers and firefighters are not just Superheroes, but human. Their Superhero capes might be invisible, but they are Superheros none the less.

Thankfully sometimes, hopefully right when they need it the most, they get to enjoy a good laugh. Or just get to act a bit human, if only for a moment.

For example, just the other night I heard on a local police channel the following short but humorous “real life” but not very official conversation over the radio right in the middle of a steady stream of “regular” robotic police type conversation:

OFFICER: DISPATCH

DISPATCH: GO AHEAD

OFFICER <SOUNDING VERY HUNGRY> : IS THERE ANY OF THAT CHICKEN LEFT IN THE FRIDGE?

DISPATCHER: AFFIRMATIVE. THERE’S A WHOLE PLATE’S WORTH.

OFFICER: COPY THAT, SHOW ME 10-19 (HEADING BACK TO STATION)

It was around 3 to 4 in the morning and I remember working those long and late Graveyard Shifts and how hungry I would get right around the same time. It was just such a normal, human, interaction right in the middle of all the police jargon, 10 codes and acronyms.

Another funny radio conversation I once heard went something like this:

DEPUTY: SHOW ME 97 ON THAT SCIRCS CALL AT LAKE HEMET. I’LL BE CD-4 AND OUT WITH ABOUT 12. (I have arrived at Lake Hemet, the location of the suspicious circumstance call. I will be OK and out with about 12 people.)

<A few minutes go by and the concerned dispatcher decides to check on the deputy>

DISPATCHER: D30, SAFETY CHECK?

DEPUTY: I’M CD-4, OUT WITH A GROUP OF LARPERS BATTLING DRAGONS AND WIZARDS.

DISPATCHER <Without skipping a beat> : COPY THAT – D30, OUT WITH LARPERS BATTLING DRAGONS AND WIZARDS

For the record, a LARPER is someone who engages in Live Action Role Playing in which the participants dress up in the correct garb for the time period their world is set in. As their battles are often fought during Medieval times, dragons and wizards would be completely expected at a LARP gathering, which usually take place in large public spaces.

But of all the things in the entire world you would never expect to hear, the way the dispatcher responded – so nonchalant – you’d think she gets calls 10 times a day about LARPER’s, dragons and wizards.

Another funny transmission was on a fire channel over a recent Holiday weekend. Like most of the best, it was short and to the point.

FIREFIGHTER: WE’RE CLEARING THIS CALL NOW AND HEADED BACK FOR SOME OF THAT CARNE ASADA.

OTHER FIREFIGHTER: WELL, BY THE TIME YOU GET BACK THE ONLY CARNE ASADA YOU’RE GONNA GET IS THE CRISPY LEFTOVERS.

FIRST FIREFIGHTER: I LOVE CRISPY CARNE ASADA LEFT-OVERS

Hey, I can’t disagree…carne asada is carne asada. I’ll take the crispy left-overs any time.

More recently I heard what was apparently someone calling in a noise complaint on Star 94, one of our local sheriff’s helicopters.

The dispatcher came over the radio and asked if Star 94 was on anything specific because someone was calling in complaining about them circling around overhead, above their house. The caller also wanted to know if there was anything she needed to be worried about.

Star 94’s aviation crew came back and advised they were just on routine patrol and all was Code-4 (OK) from “up here.”

<sounding slightly amused> The dispatcher said, “Copy that. All is Code-4 from up there. I’ll relay the information to the caller.

I was just, like…..astounded. I mean, who calls in and complains about a law enforcement helicopter helping to keep their neighborhoods safe? Besides THAT person.

Another funny recent interaction between a firefighter and a dispatcher happened when a dispatcher called to check on the status of several firefighters and paramedics who had been sent to a man’s home regarding an “unknown medical emergency.” They were dispatched to the location after dispatchers received a 911 call with an open line and a man making unintelligible noises.

The firefighter responded back that everything was OK and that it had been a senior citizen who needed help figuring out how to set up his new DVR system.

The dispatcher asked if she needed to contact the man’s service provider (isn’t that the sweetest???) and the firefighter responded, “No, I hooked it all up for him and taught him how to use the system. Show us 10-8 and back in service.” Now, that’s class.

Then there was the time the day after the last Super Bowl when someone decided to substitute something from one of the previous day’s big Super Bowl commercials for the proper “copspeak” and phonetic alphabet normally used while calling in license plates.

Some might remember the commercial, as it was about a kind of scary looking, Mtn Dew drink-delivering, dancing demon-like creature called a “Puppy, Monkey, Baby.”

It only took half of one shift the very next day before some smart-alleck, but eagle-eyed deputy found a vehicle with the exact right plate that allowed him to substitute the usual “6, PAUL, MARY, BOY, 5, 4, 3” with “6, PUPPY, MONKEY, BABY, 5, 4, 3.”

The funniest part though was the dispatcher’s immediate and deadpan response. Without even missing a beat she called back the plate information exactly as the deputy had, “6, PUPPY, MONKEY, BABY, 5, 4, 3… 28’s CURRENT, NEGATIVE 29.”

She literally did not hesitate for a split second or break even the tiniest smile over the radio.

On the other hand, I have heard dispatchers absolutely lose it over the radio. I mean, laughing hysterically. Laughing to the point where another dispatcher has to take over while the first regains their composure. Only to come back still giggling. Usually about something going on in the depths of the “Dispatch Dungeon,” other times about something they hear on the radio.

One such time, and I will never forget this for as long as I live, was back when I was stationed at the Southwest/Temecula Station. I desperately wanted a transfer to Lake Elsinore and I had been putting in transfer requests every six months for two and a half years. Since I wanted to work there, I used to listen in on all their interesting, challenging, and often dangerous calls.

One day, I heard a Lake Elsinore deputy yell out that he was in foot pursuit. As multiple other deputies were rushing to the deputy’s aid, the dispatcher asked for a description of the suspect.

After a very long pause, the deputy came back on the radio, out of breath and clearly struggling, and said he was in pursuit of a 7 foot tall, blue and pink rabbit. Clearly incredulous, the dispatcher came back giggling with the question, “Confirm you’re in foot pursuit of a 7 foot tall rabbit?” After yet another very long pause, the deputy came back and said defeatedly he had lost visual of the fleeing rabbit as it was running through backyards and jumping over fences. The dispatcher immediately came back with, “Copy that. You lost the wascally wabbit.” The deputy’s exhausted response said it all, “Hey, it was one hell of a fast wabbit.”

I finally got my transfer to Lake Elsinore the very next week. Just a few weeks later I met that very same rabbit, a man who liked to dress in nothing but his birthday suit and a rabbit costume. He was a creeper who liked to hang around parks and areas where young children congregated, but that is a whole ‘nother story.

Then there are the times when those who use the law enforcement and fire radios actually let their humanity, their true feelings show on the radio. Like the time an exhausted officer replied to yet another assigned call on a very hot day by saying, “Copy that. Show me en route. But, I think I need a nap.” The dispatcher immediately responded, “You’re not the only one.”

The occasional humor is good. For them all. For all the bad they hear, speak, and visualize through the radio, it is always good to hear them have a little fun doing what would otherwise seem like a very difficult and demanding job.

And then suddenly, right in middle of that so rare and only occasional laugh or humorous moment, the next “Hot” call comes in. The next “My boyfriend’s been shot” call. The next “My babies not breathing” call, the next “Officer needs assistance call”…and these professionals snap right back into line and perform their job; usually flawlessly. Almost always without thanks or recognition.

Although occasionally, thankfully, in spite of how hard the job must be, sometimes you can hear a little smirk or even a smile in their voices when the calls take a turn for the strange.

 

Contact the writer: [email protected]

Trevor Montgomery spent 10 years in the U.S. Army as an Orthopedic Specialist before joining the Riverside County Sheriff’s Department in 1998. He was medically retired after losing his leg in an off-duty accident.

During his time with the sheriff’s department, Trevor worked at several different stations, including the Robert Presley Detention Center, the Southwest Station in Temecula, the Hemet Station, and the Lake Elsinore Station, along with many other locations.