Caballero celebrating 29th birthday gallops onto freeway, corralled for DUI
Today’s Lighter Side of the News…
(If you love horses, see if you can spot and recognize the nearly 40 breeds of horses and more than two dozen horse-related references in this article. Some you may recognize, other may leave you stumped! …says the guy with only one leg. -TM)
Long Beach, Calif. — An allegedly intoxicated man celebrating his 29th birthday was arrested after he galloped onto a busy Southern California freeway early Saturday morning. The bizarre incident began in the area of Paramount and E. Artesia Boulevards, in Long Beach.
CHP officers, who were just trying to enjoy an early-morning breakfast of Belgian waffles and Danish’s, found themselves having to respond to the unique call for service after a man on horseback was spotted riding onto the 91 Freeway in Long Beach.
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The first 911 call, which was quickly followed by numerous additional calls, came in around 1 a.m., CHP later reported in a social media release.
One of the first 911 calls came in from a man who had been getting his Mountain Pleasure on inside a car parked behind the $2 Dollar Car Wash.
The witness explained he had been getting Highland on Marwari-juana when he spotted a rider on horseback galloping onto the eastbound 91 Freeway from Paramount Boulevard. The witness said since he couldn’t giddy-up he put his Knabstrupper away and called 911.
“At first the man thought he was seeing And-alusian, until the horse and rider were nearly hit by a speeding Pinto,” CHP officials explained in a Tweet about the incident and arrest.
Officers from CHP’s Santa Fe Springs area office rushed to the area and eventually found the rider after he had exited the freeway at Downey Avenue and ridden into the city of Bellflower.
By the time officers caught up with the pair, the rider had climbed down off his Spotted Saddle at a car dealership, where he was looking to trade in his Arab for a Mustang.
The first officer to locate and contact the man said, “Hay, I have an equestrian for you. Why aren’t you wearing a jacket? It’s Fresian outside and you could catch a Colt in this weather!”
Clearly surprised at having been lassoed and corralled by the posse the man, who was later identified as Luis Alfredo Perez, of Placentia, stuttered and stammered as he appeared to stall for time.
When the officer asked the caballero to Han-overian his license or identification, Perez tried to explain he was just horsing around and said, “I’m not trying to give you any Lipizzan officer, but Cantor I just go home? I don’t know what I was posse-bly thinking and I feel sick, like I might have a ruptured Appendix.”
While the officer spoke with Perez he could smell alcohol on the man’s breath and noticed his gait appeared un-steed-y.
When Perez tried to explain the only beverage he had consumed was Suffolk Punch the officer said, “I ain’t no Florida Cracker and I’m not gonna dance the Fox Trotter with you. I didn’t just climb out of the Marsh all wet and Tacky.”
Trying to Paint himself in a better light, Perez then explained he had ponied up to the bar to celebrate his 29th birthday earlier that evening when he met an Old-enburg friend he knew from the Rocky Mountains.
While the two men were catching up and drinking American Cream Draft, Perez mentioned his birthday plans to go on a Peruvian vacation Fell through at the last minute.
His friend, who came from a family of Gypsy’s, said he had the spur of the moment idea to try something crazy. He then bet the highly intoxicated man he would not take his horse for a Walker on the freeway.
Perez explained that his liquid courage got the better of him and he didn’t want to Welsh on a bet. “Like my Ex-moor used to tell me, wild horses can’t drag me away from accepting a challenge.”
Perez’s horse Guera was clearly no National Show Horse, but it’s not like she was a Mule either – and even she knew that taking a walk onto the freeway was not smart. But she didn’t want to be sent to the glue factory and felt she had no choice but to follow her rider’s lead.
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The officer tried to explain to Perez that as drunk as he was, he shouldn’t have been hoofing it and should have spent a few American Quarters and called for a taxi.
As the officer was explaining the dangers of riding a horse onto a busy freeway Perez interrupted saying, “I’m not trying to Budenny, but I’m no Akhal-holic. Besides, I only had a few Irish Draught.”
“Button your Lippitt and don’t put the cart before the horse,” the officer responded. “Before you get back in the saddle we just want to make sure you are OK to hit the trail.”
Despite Perez’ protests, officers had him perform a series of field sobriety tests, which he promptly failed. Based on their Thoroughbred investigation, officers arrested the birthday buffoon.
As Perez was being arrested, Guera watched on with shame as her rider was first handcuffed and then placed into the back of a patrol unit.
Perez later submitted to a breath test and officers determined he had a blood alcohol content of .21; more than twice the legal limit.
The officer later explained to Perez, “You’re just making an Ass-ateague out of yourself pulling a stunt like that, barrel racing onto the freeway. You could have ended up in the Camargue with the rest of the people too stupid to know not to drink and drive, or in your case drink and ride.”
Perez was eventually booked into Los Angeles County Jail on suspicion of riding a horse under the influence, where he got to enjoy the horse-pitality of the county clink for a few hours.
“Guera was unharmed and released to Perez’s mother,” said officials. “Based on the circumstances we could have turned Guera in to animal control officers, so Perez shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”
“Drunks on the roadway really chap my hide,” a CHP official later explained. “We really try to keep a tight reign on drunk drivers, or in this case drunk horseback riders.”
“We also try very hard to educate the public about not drinking before getting onto the roadway, although we have learned you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink,” said officials.
“Even though some say you can’t beat a dead horse, we’ll keep at it because statistics have proven that our efforts save lives,” officials explained.
In the end, the horse’s-ass got saddled with a lengthy court case, hefty fines and a Racking headache.
Discussing the unique incident and investigation on Twitter, officials explained, “We get a chuckle out of the interesting situations we encounter from time to time, but no, you may not ride your horse on the freeway, and certainly not while intoxicated.”
“One thing the CHP does not do is horse around with DUI,” officials continued. “You heard it straight from the horse’s mouth.”
So a horse walks onto the 91 freeway…no joke. Rider arrested by CHP for DUI in the greater Long Beach area. Don’t put yourself, your beautiful animal, or others in danger of being killed in traffic. @CBSLA @NBCLA @KTLA @ABC7 @FOXLA @CNN @FoxNews @ABC @NBCNews @CBSNews @CHP_HQ pic.twitter.com/YdiL54ctvQ
— CHP Santa Fe Springs (@CHP_SFS) February 25, 2018
Writer’s note: This story, while based on a real incident that occurred Saturday, Feb. 24, in Long Beach, CA, is meant for entertainment purposes only and some of the descriptions and quotes were pure figments of my imagination.
Glossary of referenced horses
Akhal Teke – With its unusual, gazelle-like appearance, the Akhal-Teke (Ah-cull Tek-y) is an incredibly distinctive breed. Experts say the Akhal-Teke breed is at least 3,000 years old. The Akhal-Teke may be the last remaining strain of the Turkmene (a horse that has existed since 2400 B.C.).
American Cream Draft – Nearly 98 percent of all American Cream Draft horses have the blood of an Iowan cream-colored draft-type mare called Old Granny, who was born at the turn of the 20th century. Her beauty and unique coat coloring prompted breeders in the area to try to create a breed of cream-colored draft horses.
American Quarter Horse – The American Quarter Horse traces its roots to early America, where settlers crossed English horses to those of Spanish ancestry, producing a compact and muscular horse.
Andalusian – Hailing from the Iberian Peninsula, the Andalusian takes its name from the Province of Andalucia, where it was most famous. This living antiquity is purported to be an ancient breed; 20,000-year-old cave drawings show a similar type of horse and Homer mentions the horses in the Illiad (1,100 B.C.).
Appendix Quarter Horse – Until the 1940s the American Quarter Horse existed as a type rather than a breed, but in 1940 a group of breeders discussed the idea of forming an association. However, there was disagreement about what constituted a Quarter Horse.
Arab – Theorized to be the oldest breed in the world, Arabians were constant companions of the first documented breeders of the Arabian horse, the Bedouin people–nomadic tribesmen of Arabia who relied on the horse for survival.
Chincoteague/Assateague – The Chincoteague pony was made famous in Marguerite Henry’s book Misty of Chincoteague. The ponies live on the barrier island of Assateague in Maryland and Virginia.
Belgian – The Belgian draft horse was developed in the fertile pastures of Belgium. It was also there that the forefather of all draft horses was first bred—a heavy black horse used as knights’ mounts called the Flemish.
Budenny – The Russian Budenny (bood-yo-nee) was created to replace the mass equine casualties of World War I and the Russian Revolution, and to breed a horse that a Soviet officer would be proud to ride. The top cavalry riders were the Cossacks who rode the native Don.
Camargue – The Camargue originated in the marshy plains of the Rhone delta in the South of France. It has existed since prehistoric times.
Danish Warmblood – The Danish Warmblood is the youngest of all the European warmblood breeds, beginning in 1962. There were two Danish saddle horse breed associations—the Danish Sport Horse Society and the Danish Light Horse Association.
Exmoor – The Exmoor Pony is the oldest of the nine British breeds and is least influenced by outside breeding. The Exmoor was first prized as a chariot horse by invading Roman forces.
Fell – The Fell Pony arrived in Great Britain as an ancient Wild European Pony type that came across the land bridge during the ice age. The ponies dispersed throughout the United Kingdom, and the resulting habitat helped form and shape the modern Fell Pony.
Florida Cracker – The Florida Cracker descends from Spanish horses such as the Barb and the Spanish Jennet that arrived in the southern United States in the 1500s.
Fresian – The Friesian is one of Europe’s oldest breeds and gets its name from the Friesland region in the north of the Netherlands. The breed almost became extinct worldwide during the turn of the 20th century, as many Friesians were crossed to other breeds to create a faster horse for trotting races.
Gypsy Horses – Gypsy horses, registered as Gypsy Vanner Horses, Gypsy Cobs and Gypsy Drum horses, are a relatively new concept to most people, but not to the Romany (gypsy) “Traveller” of Great Britain
Irish Draught Horse – The Irish Draught Horse is one of the two native equine breeds found in Ireland. Its ancestry is unclear.
Hanoverian – Like most German warmbloods, the Hanoverian is named for its region of origin: Lower Saxony in northern Germany was formerly the kingdom of Hannover. In 1714, King George I of England—originally the elector of Hannover—sent several English Thoroughbreds to Germany to refine the native stock.
Highland Pony – The Highland pony is one of the two native pony breeds hailing from the north of Scotland. It is the largest and strongest of all the native ponies of Great Britain.
Knabstrupper – The Knabstrupper was developed by Major Villars Lunn in Nordsealand, Denmark, who put a chestnut blanketed mare of Spanish breeding to a Fredricksborg stallion in 1812. This first breeding resulted in a colorfully spotted colt and the basis for a new breed.
Lipizzan – The Lipizzan’s roots go back to Moorish-occupied Spain when Spanish-bred horses were considered the optimum cavalry mount. In 1562, Maximillian II brought Spanish horses to the Austrian court. His brother Archduke Charles II created another stud at Lipizza by the Adriatic Sea.
Lippit Morgan – Today’s Morgan horses trace back to a bay stallion called Figure, owned by school teacher and songwriter Justin Morgan of Vermont. In the early 1900s, the automobile and other machinery made workhorses of all breeds, including the Morgan, obsolete.
Marsh Tacky – In the boggy lowlands of South Carolina, one equine reigns supreme among the avid trail rider: the Carolina Marsh Tacky.
Marwari – The most amazing feature about the Indian horse called the Marwari (mar-wah-ree) is its curved ears. They often touch or cross in the middle, giving an appearance of a spectacular headdress.
Missouri Fox Trotter – The Missouri Fox Trotter is a product of its native Ozark Mountains in Missouri. The breed’s decedents, mainly of Morgan, Thoroughbred and Arabian blood, arrived in the Ozarks when pioneers settled the area in 1821.
Mountain Pleasure Horse – More than 160 years ago, settlers in the region of present-day eastern Kentucky used the gaited horses thriving in the area to work among the steep hills and in the fields.
Mule – The mule is a human invention developed to create a strong, placid animal suitable for packing, riding and driving. Breeding a female horse to a male donkey creates a mule, and breeding male horse to a female donkey creates a hinny (less common); both are usually sterile.
Mustang – Mustang is a derivative of the Spanish word mesteña, which means wild or stray. Horses roamed America 10,000 years ago but vanished from the landscape until the Spanish conquistadors arrived in the 16th century with their horses of Barb decent.
National Show Horse – Although the National Show Horse has existed as a Half-Arabian show horse for many years, it became a breed officially in 1982. By crossing the Arabian with the Saddlebred the resulting offspring carries the best aspects of both breeds.
Oldenburg – The Oldenburg was created in the 17th Century through the endeavors of Count Johann XVI von Oldenburg and Count Anton Gunther von Oldenburg to create a grand carriage horse. Small breeding farms throughout the provinces of Oldenburg and East Friesland were developed.
Paint – In 1519, the explorer Hernando Cortes carried two horses described as having pinto markings on his voyage. This is the first known description of such horses in America. By the early 1800s, horses with Paint coloring were well-populated throughout the West.
Peruvian Horse – Although the Peruvian Horse, sometimes referred to as the Peruvian Paso, and the Paso Fino share the same earlier parentage (Andalusian, Barb and Spanish Jennet), and are both gaited, they are not the same breed.
Pinto – Although spotted horses seem to have originated with American Indian horses, the distinctive two-toned coat pattern probably came to North America through Arabian and Spanish stock that accompanied early explorers.
Racking Horse – The Racking Horse developed on Southern plantations before the Civil War and shares its parentage with the Tennessee Walking Horse. The Racking Horse’s comfortable gait made it easy for plantation owners to ride from field to field without fatigue.
Rocky Mountain Horse – The Rocky Mountain Horse originated in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains in eastern Kentucky in the late 1800s. The breed gets its name from its foundation stallion, a gaited horse from the Rocky Mountains.
Spotted Saddle Horse – Spotted Saddle Horse breeding includes a heavy Tennessee Walking Horse influence combined with bloodlines descended from spotted Spanish-American ponies. The breed was originally developed in Tennessee to be a reliable family horse with a smooth, comfortable gait for long trail rides.
Suffolk Punch – The Suffolk Punch is the oldest of Great Britain’s heavy breeds, dating back to at least the 16th century. The early breeding may have been influenced by the Norfolk Roadster, Norfolk Trotter or Norfolk Cob, and the breed’s size may have come from Belgian draft blood.
Thoroughbred – Throughout equine history few breeds have impacted the horse world quite like the Thoroughbred. Three foundation sires, the Byerly Turk, the Godolphin Arabian and the Darley Arabian, were bred to native English horses to create the breed in the early 17th century.
Welsh Pony and Cob – The wild wind-swept hills and valleys in Wales developed the characteristics of the Welsh Pony and Cob. Through the years, they lent their use to hill farmers and shepherds, landowners and deliverymen. In 1901, the Welsh Pony and Cob Society was established in Wales.
Make sure to visit HorseChannel.com for more information about referenced horse breeds.
Contact the writer: email@example.com
Trevor Montgomery, 47, recently moved to the Intermountain area of Shasta County from Riverside County and runs Riverside County News Source and Shasta County News Source. Additionally, he writes for several other news organizations; including Riverside County based newspapers, Valley News, The Valley Chronicle, and Anza Valley Outlook; as well as Bonsall/Fallbrook Village News in San Diego County and Mountain Echo in Shasta County.
Trevor spent 10 years in the U.S. Army as an Orthopedic Specialist before joining the Riverside County Sheriff’s Department in 1998. He was medically retired after losing his leg, breaking his back, and suffering both spinal cord and brain injuries in an off-duty accident. (Click here to see segment of Discovery Channel documentary of Trevor’s accident.)
During his time with the sheriff’s department, Trevor worked at several different stations; including Robert Presley Detention Center, Southwest Station in Temecula, Hemet/Valle Vista Station, Ben Clark Public Safety Training Center, and Lake Elsinore Station; along with other locations.
Trevor’s assignments included Corrections, Patrol, DUI Enforcement, Boat and Personal Water-Craft based Lake Patrol, Off-Road Vehicle Enforcement, Problem Oriented Policing Team, and Personnel/Background Investigations. He finished his career while working as a Sex Crimes and Child Abuse Investigator and was a court-designated expert in child abuse and child sex-related crimes.
Trevor has been married for more than 28 years and was a foster parent to more than 60 children over 13 years. He is now an adoptive parent and his “fluid family” includes 13 children and 14 – but soon to be 16 – grandchildren.